My blog is about talking – sharing thoughts, even things that have shaped me. I was never one for saying much. So I still feel as though I’m climbing a mountain when I’m trying to express myself.
Some of us had it tough growing up – especially the quiet, shy, withdrawn types, or felt neglected ones, or maybe just different. Silence was safer.
Bullies are attracted to those. They get a perverse thrill ridiculing others’ in public. Bullies need an audience. Being dumped on over and over again, piles up inside our heads and pushes out all hope and reason, until we believe it. Even if it’s not true! We feel no one is on our side, because no one ever cares enough to tell us anything different.
That cuts deep down, because it rips out trust and replaces it with a shocking realisation (in our minds) that we’re unacceptable, just for being the way we are.
Sometimes we want to change ourselves, be someone else, just to be accepted, anything, not to be noticed or picked on. Maybe even run away, or harm our bodies, because that must be what they all hate, so we hate it too. Or even worse, we think of ending it all, because living with those feelings on your own, makes us feel like outcasts.
Someone once said, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I was terrified of being punished or laughed at – never allowed to make mistakes (or learn) so I avoided people and talking.
In my solitude I analysed everything, and wondered why it was all happening. Then I recognised pain in others and wanted to help, but fear and unworthiness, held me back.
My life drifted along aimlessly, like a dead twig on a stream. Each time I hit something I changed direction…
I went all over the place – unaware that I had a Guardian Angel watching over me through it all. The Lord Jesus Christ.
Here are some of my experiences I wrote down many years ago, but wasn’t sure how to tell it. Some from when I didn’t know Him as The Lord God, and some when I did. He was in control anyway. How privileged was I to have been graciously drawn in, albeit decades later? But there was much I had to learn through painful suffering first, because I just wasn’t listening.
I loved my bump. I cuddled and cooed and lovingly massaged oils all over my body. My diet flipped out and I ate weird things for the duration – normally a grapefruit, soda water girl – I’d devour two greasy burgers and chips in one go quite easily, and regularly, then washed it all down with cans of coke! I waddled about happily, and was in love with my baby from the moment I knew I was pregnant.
When the time came, my normal fear of pain made it easy for me to go along with my trusted gynaecologist’s advice of an epidural, which turned out to be an “arghhh – what were you thinking!?!” kind of pain. But with all my hang-ups – it sure did the trick – and I had a baby.
The warm sun streamed into my room at the smart Parklane Clinic in Johannesburg, and kissed all the pretty flowers’ faces banked all around the walls. Their smiley faces soothed my mind as I tried to absorb the massive transformation that had taken place in my life. I was a mother – what an awesome privilege – and was I capable to even do this?
Daddy had dashed home to change, but the memory of his big blue eyes bulging with tears at the event, was a precious memory.
“Let me take her for a while” the smiling nurse offered.
“Oh no, please, can’t I …”.
“But you need to rest and let us attend to her” she insisted. “I’m guessing this is your first”? she said laughingly as I protested.
“But I don’t need to rest, leave her for a bit longer please” I begged, shifting away as she leaned over to take her. “Just a bit longer please …”.
And so, the tug of war continued – I hung on to her for dear life.
It continued for years I’m afraid. Just having someone to pour all my love into and receive unconditional love back, was simply the best thing. I loved and adored her, she came first in everything and all my devotion was to her – even to the exclusion of daddy at times – big mistake moms. It felt so good being needed at last, so my life revolvedaround her.
Loving that precious little person, was a wow – what an amazing treasure! What a responsibility! I was going to make sure she was loved and picked up and held and cuddled, just treated like the miracle she was. I didn’t want anything else, just to love her to bits and keep her safe, and make sure others treated her with love and respect too. She was so helpless and defenceless. What a privilege to have this little baby. She deserved to be taken care of all the time, and she deserved my time to really listen with both ears as she grew, for her to know I’d heard, and all the time too, and to make sure I’d understood when she needed me, to drop whatever I was doing and fix whatever it was, to be there when she cried. No one was going to hurt my lil angel.
But then – he didn’t want to be married anymore – before her second birthday. Suddenly I found myself a single mom, bewildered, and trying to be both parents. I messed up badly all over the place, and abysmally in a dad’s role. Perhaps afraid to discipline firmly, fearing she wouldn’t love me anymore or worse, alienate her if I said no. I wanted the lines open between us – always – and for her to know I’d always be there for her… I’d never known that; someone who was always there. I wanted to shield her from that pain of feeling unloved, confusion, fear, abandonment, and ultimately rejection… naturally I couldn’t, it’s just not humanly possible to do it all.
The only thing I knew how to do was to love her, and for her to know she was loved and valued just the way she was. Hoping to build her up on the inside so that when the nasty spiteful words spew out from the world, she would know in her heart that it wasn’t true, and she wouldn’t take it to heart and believe it. I just wanted her heart to be filled with love so that fear and self-doubt, which grips and imprisons the mind wouldn’t take over. It breeds all kinds of anxious lies and illnesses. I wanted to shield her from everything so she knew she was acceptable just the way she was. She was such a happy baby, always singing and smiling, everyone loved her.
Then one day I became a Christian, and started reading my bible, which was so intimidating for me I can tell you. Mocking, teasing images from childhood kept me silent and literally in the dark, I just believed I couldn’t do it. Now, I had this beautiful, heavy, leather book to read, with its delicate, gilt-edged pages of thousands of words in tiny print… how on earth was I to cope with this challenge…on my own?
But grace and mercy had touched my torn heart… and it moved, things stirred deep in my soul and I wanted to know more. And with the wonderful people from my new church in Johannesburg, who all came alongside me to help, even the pastor. Such a blessing in a huge church. They’d pick me up for home-group and phone me to see how I was doing, brought meals round, gave my daughter lifts to school, offering help wherever they could. Their love for Jesus produced overflowing kindness toward me and showed me that God loved me, me? I feasted on their wonderful fruits and experienced a sense of family I’d long since forgotten… boarding school left a gaping hole – an abyss – between me and life itself… I belonged nowhere. Now this church was bridging that gap, I was one of them immediately, I belonged to the family of Christ. They were helping this baby Christian crawl.
My bible knowledge was zero, so when I read in Matthew 10:37 …He who loves fatheror mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me isnot worthy of Me – I’m afraid I had a bit of a McEnroe reaction “You can – not be serious”!
I meditated on that to try and understand. Until I did, I just believed it like a child and tried to obey. Our love for loved ones multiplies when Jesus controls our hearts; when He is Lord of our lives. It doesn’t diminish like I feared, it overflows like a gushing waterfall, and is enough to share with others forever, bringing glory to God. Not surrendering to God’s love and honouring Him first, stunts our potential and blocks off love at the source.
Gratitude and forgiveness flow easily when love opens the door to it.
1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail.
Proverbs 10:12 …love covers a multitude of sins. (True love seeks the highest good for another. John MacArthur Study Bible).
She took me to Corfu for my 70th birthday. I’ve always loved the sun, sea and sand and besides it was the place I had my honeymoon and often dreamt of returning there. The love of God never fails, what a blessing!
Brain fog – what a blur these past few years have been!
I’d say It stemmed from Covid; shocked into being shut out from the world by law, ostracized from my daughter and son-in-law – my only family. Not permitted to have a broken tooth fixed as people in the 70s were ‘vulnerable’ and had to stay home, developing excruciating sciatica, forbidden to ‘see’ a doctor, so prescribed strong pain-killers over the phone, which I survived on for years ( 8 a day ) in desperation, as I couldn’t walk properly, was the alternative. I ended up lying flat on the floor for relief sometimes.
The devil loves it when you’re low and not coping, its then, he heaps alllll your failures on you to crush you even more, leaving you in a state of unworthiness and totally dejected. And because there’s no one around to counter all those false notions, with a kind word or any kind of practical help, you believe it all.
I could no longer attend my weekly aqua fit class at the gym – no more Pilates classes either. I loved walking to the gym too, but that all stopped. No outlet.
Then I moved! Another huge upheaval for one who is older, lets say.
Although I’m extremely grateful to God for bringing it all about. I was suffering anti social behaviour from a neighbour, but reluctant to say anything due to Covid pressures on everyone, it didn’t feel right. But I hadn’t slept for 18 months and felt tormented and strung out. So when it happened that I could move, I was over the moon and jumped at the opportunity with immense gratitude and praising God. I ordered nice big boxes, tape, rolls of bubble wrapping online and packed up everything in quick time. My daughter and husband moved it all onto the hired van and off loaded it all again on the other side. Stressful, backbreaking stuff. All with masks on too.
The scary part was, once I’d moved, apart from the back ache, everything was new. Where were the shops and Church? What bus goes where? Not to mention doctors and dentists! New neighbours. I felt as if I’d been dumped by a parachute in a big open field nowhere.
A nice Christian lady down the passage, introduced herself and pointed me in the right direction to find a number of practical things, as and when. I was also completely bowled over, when cards were put through my door welcoming me to my new home! That! was very different to what I’d thus far experienced in UK. God is really good.
Doctors; well that was a shock to the system; slashing my prescribed medicines I’d been on for years; no help offered for my sciatica, so found myself eventually having to repeatedly ask for x-ray’s to assess my leg/hip/back pain. They were all less than helpful. Then I took myself to A&E by bus in desperation. Turned out I have osteoarthritis and osteoporosis, as well as sciatica – ( one doctor said I didn’t have sciatica and there was nothing wrong with me, and to keep taking the pills for pain! ) Only after being x-rayed and prescribed strong pain killers by a nice doctor, was I heard. They believed me at last! By this time I was on the third doctors surgery, really nice doctors now. Hallelujah.
It took me years to find my feet, to settle. I wondered about in a blur; as if I didn’t belong. My new flat is half the size of the old one, scaling down to a single bed for the tiny room. No more dressing table to sit at and brush my hair or just do what most women enjoy to do. No cupboards. What a hassle it is finding your clothes if they’re packed away somewhere. Also a surprise to find things I’d forgotten I had. But all in all I am happy here, and praise God I can look out onto lovely trees, green grass, wild animals like foxes and squirrels, with plenty of lovely birds chirping and singing continually. I enjoy watching the seasons come and go, dried out twiggy trees becoming beautiful displays of blossoms then lovely leaves for shade. The birds enjoy it all too. They make my day. Sadly, my poor kitty-cat can no longer jump out the window to eat grass like she used to, and sit in the sun, because we’re on the first floor. But she’s 17 years old now and sleeps a lot, but also sadly, can no longer sleep on my bed, which was nice company for both of us.
Once I’d unpacked everything, I filled many many black bags for charity, who fortunately came round and took it all away. The first time there were 12 bags. They’ve been back a couple of times since. My daughter and husband took away pieces of furniture and the like, off to the recycling centre, I just had no space.
I mention all this, just to say that a move is not easy for one thing, and not having friends, nor a whole lot of confidence, nor the wherewithal to just get in a car and drive out into the country just to feel better, is hard. It is a major knock to the system and you just don’t know what’s happened to you. My seemingly, insignificant little world, had shifted on its axis.
I managed to unpack all my things. I remember walking up the road to try and find my way around and do food shopping; but I found myself sitting on various neighbours garden walls, or just standing still for a while till the pains subsided. I joined another gym up the road, to try and get back into aqua, but I couldn’t walk home again for the pain afterwards. This went on for a year or so. I found it all very embarrassing and stressful.
My previous doctor had booked me in for a colonoscopy which took place a week after I’d moved in. Another hectic experience. My daughter managed to get time off to fetch and carry as it were. Such a blessing to have someone near who knows you at such tricky times. This was all still during Covid so much testing and distancing etc. prior to the procedure. Fortunately all was well.
My broken tooth saga had begun to kick off too after a couple of months. The filling fell out and an abscess had developed. I’d found a dentist who kindly prescribed anti-biotics over the phone judging by the amount of pain I was in. He couldn’t see me until it was gone, but I needed two lots of pills to do this.
When I finally had the large tooth removed from the upper jaw at the back, I was grateful for the relief from the discomfort. But, it wasn’t easy. I recall him saying to the nurse, this tooth is deeply embedded in the jaw pass me a blade will you!
He prescribed strong pain killers to take for after, but when the injections ‘wore off’… !! I cannot put into words how much pain I felt. The swabs of cotton wool in gauze he gave were used up frantically as he warned of bleeding too. I lay on my bed and just cried and cried, and called out to Jesus to help me. Then I thought of him suffering on the cross after all that beating and lashing and nails…for me… I asked him to forgive me for not being able to even bear a simple tooth extraction pain…I felt so useless. I just kept crying. Then an amazing thing happened. I felt – and heard! – my jaw bones moving and creaking/crunching sounds – then unbelievable pain for a few seconds – then nothing – the pain had gone.
My Saviour was with me, then I fell asleep.
My face swelled up and turned all kinds of bruising colours. My Christian lady friend down the passage would knock on my door to see if I needed anything sometimes (still Covid). She said laughingly that I looked as though I’d been in a fight. The bruises went right down to my chest. It was such a horrible thing to look at and most embarrassing so I stayed indoors mostly, but no pain.
My daughter and a couple of long distance friends; one in Cape Town and two in Newbury where I used to live and one in an area too far to get to, kept in touch on WhatsApp regularly, with encouraging words and mostly understanding. Thank God for them.
I was so alone.
Late one night I had terrible chest pains – but being and acid reflux sufferer I took it to be that. But it is easy to feel nervous about things you don’t know, especially in the middle of the night when it always seems to occur. I didn’t want to frighten or upset my daughter either. I was told before though by a nurse, that it is advisable to rather phone the ambulance just in case. This time I did because of the dizziness and strange feelings in my limbs. The ambulance took 5 hours to come. They went to the wrong flat and went back again. Finally I was checked by two capable young ladies when they did arrive – the second lot – and it turned out my hiatus hernia had appeared again. But to hospital I must go. Many tests etc before being sent to A&E, then an hour later saw a doctor who sent me for an x-ray then back to A&E to wait for results. 4 hours later, very cold and weak, I enquired meekly at reception what was happening – they’d forgotten to say all was clear and I could go home. I phoned for cab and came home. I’m managing it now with medication.
Finding a new church…
Then I met another nice Christian lady. My nice neighbour joined me in visiting a church – still Covid restricting times – turned out too far for me to walk to as sciatica ruled. But that’s where I met this new friend who actually lives over the road from my building. They were all lovely and kind and very helpful. But, taking lifts from various people each week at different times felt hard for me – I never knew where I stood, and perhaps I’m just old so felt uncomfortable; a nuisance. But I met nice people. The lovely lady over the road did loads of food shopping for me for many months, she’s still an amazing blessing.
I’m in a nice church now. In fact its the first one I went to with my neighbour during Covid, but wasn’t sure. But I felt the Lord directing me back again. I can get the bus up the road and it stops a block away from the church. But having said that, there’s another nice lady who’s been at the church for many years and willingly lifts my friend down the passage, so I join in if possible.
I moved into my flat just over three years ago, I feel as though I am settling in at last. The roots are taking hold so now I can grow. I hardly take pain killers now.
Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
As true believers in Jesus Christ, we really should take care of our bodies, after all it is the temple of the Holy Spirit which is in us, and is from God. The bible says we are not our own and we need to live for him according to 1 Corinthians 6:19.
These past few years have been so turbulent I didn’t know which way was up. I was lonely, depressed and often suicidal thoughts came – more like – I may as well not be here and would I be missed at all? Then my mom died in Cape Town. I left the church I was attending, Covid happened, Sciatica pains bore down incessantly, telephonic assessments from doctors, anti-social behaviour from a neighbour for eighteen months, with little sleep, allowed me to move home to a lovely peaceful area, which helped me with staying in because of covid. My new flat is half the size of the old one so masses of stuff went off to charity including furniture as I had no space for it. Now I can’t find anything because it’s either stored in a storage basket or tucked away in drawers out of sight, so I can’t remember or see what’s in them. Plus, a single bed again like a child. Finding a new church is never easy. Finding a new doctor is terribly frustrating, especially over the phone. Compassion never seems to be part of the deal. One of them told me I had Osteoporosis after initially telling me there was nothing wrong with me and to keep taking the pain killers. Strong ones that played havoc with my existing digestive ailments. More X-rays and scans at the hospital during covid. I found a new doctor who said I had Osteoarthritis. After struggling to walk for nearly two years finally there was some clue where the pain was coming from. An ambulance took me to hospital early one Sunday morning with chest pains which was actually a hiatus hernia. After waiting twelve hours I got a taxi home. It’s safe to say that I had a hard time dealing with it all on my own. Yup depression came knocking too. I just recently, suffered the worst flu I’ve ever had in my life, completely flat out like a zombie I was. One quickly realises who your friends are – or not.
I so wanted to write and to blog but I just couldn’t. Things have been whirling around in my head for many years but it’s all muddled up.
My mind went back many years to a beach similar to the above gorgeous pic from PIXABY. I was on a beach in Cape Town, called Llandudno. It had huge rocks to nestle up to and sink down on a towel. At that time, it was often empty of crowds and one could soak up the sun in solitude. I love the sun and the joy of lying on a beach with only the sound of the gulls and now and again a loud crash of the waves dumping down on the sand.
Once I’d soaked up enough heat, I strolled over to the freezing Atlantic. I soon got used to the cold and thoroughly enjoyed the sea and relaxed. Then suddenly, the biggest wave I’ve ever seen loomed threateningly above and astonishingly realised at the same time, I could not swim away as I felt myself being sucked in. As this huge wave appeared I also felt the ground disappear and realised there was a ridge in the sand beneath my feet at that very moment with a sudden drop down to much deeper level; like a cliff edge. The monster wave pounded down tons of water with an almighty crash on top of me. I was deafened and swirling around in a major panic! It was noisy and fierce and rough and very, very dark and terrifying. I like swimming so was not scared of the water but this was something way off the chart! I thank God I held my breath. I allowed myself to be chucked about with the sea until I knew which way was up. I was so happy to see the light of the sun way up there somewhere, so I dragged my way up to it with every ounce of strength I had left. What absolute joy and gratitude I felt coming to the light and fresh air!
I meandered drunkenly to my towel and collapsed heavily on it and just lay there under that magnificent blue sky, hearing the sea and birds, feeling the presence of the towering Apostle mountains behind me, standing strong and silent. My body soaked up the warmth again as I thought how great it was to be alive. “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands” Psalm 19: 1-2.
Thank you, Jesus, for being my Light of the world and for getting me through all this. I know you are sovereign and in control. The joy of the Lord is my strength and indeed you are. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and I will.
It was as though my whole life of feeling abandoned, pain, abuse, struggles, trials, derision, fears, rejection, divorce and various illnesses, near death experiences and unacceptableness everywhere I went, has just been dumped down on me from a dizzy height, and sapped the life out of me.
Psalm 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and I am helped; therefore, my heart exalts, and with my song I shall thank him.
Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression. But a good word makes it glad.
Sadly, there was no word forthcoming, but I was aware of Satan’s isolation tricks. So, I prayed on my own and called on him daily. He kept reminding me to trust not in man, they let you down, but also pray for your enemies, so I ran to him every time. During covid of course I didn’t see my daughter and her husband but I, on the other hand have never liked speaking of my issues.
Despite it all Father, you cause all things to work together for good to those who love you. I pray I am able to be a good witness for you. I’m determined now to walk away from all things past and believe in your plan for me. Yes, there have been many who’d rather I was drowned and crushed along the way but it’s you who’s in control so they have no chance. Onwards and upwards. Onward Christian soldiers, marching as to war… it is indeed a war. Put your armour on and keep marching. With the cross of Jesus going on before!
Walking behind a young couple, with a little kiddie walking in the middle, when suddenly, dad dashed into a driveway, near the entrance and began uprooting a plant. I wasn’t close enough to see much – but they walked off with a small plant.
Saddened and shocked, I pondered on this seemingly insignificant incident – to them.
But that’s just it. It isn’t insignificant at all.
Mum must surely have felt embarrassed, or perhaps she was used to that sort of thing. The child – well he/she just had a lesson in how to steal. Dad – well he thinks he’s got away with it because no one saw him.
Sad state of affairs, don’t you think?
One could say they’ve never been told its wrong to take what’s not yours, and in todays world its probably true.
But once again the bible, or ‘the good book’, or the Word of God, says ‘You shall not steal’ Exodus 20:15. And not knowing isn’t an excuse, as God gave everyone a conscience to warn us of wrong doing or going against Gods word. We instinctively know. Even a child will lie and say “no it wasn’t me” when caught. Or something similar. We’ve all done it.
So if the law of the land doesn’t catch you out, reaping and sowing does still happen. Or, what goes around comes around. They’ll get their comeuppance. When we steal from others, someone will steal from us. The theft is bad seed. Only negative results will come about, and it may not be in the way of theft even. We don’t know.
God sees everything.
What you do to others will be done to you.
So somewhere down the line someone will steal from you. Maybe not a plant either, but anything belonging to you or your family even. What a risk.
Ignorance of Gods word is allowing sin to to rule all our lives.
And to think – there are even churches (?) – who won’t mention sin in case it offends someone. They are in fact preventing people from knowing the truth and how they can be freed from sin and its power and its consequences. They’re supposed to be preaching the Word of God who loves people and doesn’t want any to perish. Makes you wonder who’s their god.
The blessed Lord Jesus died to save us from it all because he loves us, even though we were sinners – born in sin – he went to the cross to save us from the power of sin over us. God knew we would sin and gave us Jesus, to save us from it. Only One who is sinless could save us.
But for centuries people reject his offer of salvation because they choose to live the way they do. Their pride won’t allow them to admit they are wrong. So they deny him. But that’s no excuse.
Sadly they will still pay for it, according to the word of God.
By the way, I’ve made dozens – no hundreds – no thousands of mistakes, so I know how it feels.
As a single parent I lied to get a job. I was broken and desperate. I just wanted a job to start again. To try and pick myself up from the derision I’d suffered. I knew I’d lied. But years later when I looked back, I thought to myself what an idiot I was to give it up. Then my conscience kicked in, wham – nothing good can happen when you break the Ten Commandments. When we lie we sin. It was only natural that the job didn’t last. You can’t build on sand.
Everything has consequences.
But God is merciful and doesn’t want anyone to perish. When we genuinely seek him and his forgiveness, he will make a way for you to come to him. Just like the thief on the cross…
Luke 23: 41-43. And we indeed are suffering justly, for we are receiving what we deserve for our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong. And he was saying, “Jesus, remember me when You come in Your kingdom!” And He said to him, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise.”
What a gift!
I was a squashed cabbage leaf when I came to Jesus, and he made me brand new.
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
That’s why I was saddened by what I witnessed that day with that young couple. I knew the risk. All I could do was pray for them.
Huh! Don’t be daft I hear you say. Why blame the government?
Whilst queuing in a post office one day and watching a dad at a loss with his young son, who was pulling leaflets off a stand nearby and throwing them on the floor. The child of course took no notice of being told to pick them up. This went on for some time as poor dad begged and tried to assert authority but to no avail.
I imagine dad was very aware of all eyes on him, wondering what he was going to do. And, knowing full well, that someone would most likely report him if he gave the child a smack and showed any kind of authority.
The dad continued to beg the child to pick up the leaflets with no result, then the child turned round and said no! you pick them up! And so dad did as he was told.
The fifth commandment says – Honour your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you. Exodus 20:12
“The key to societal stability is reverence and respect for parents and their authority…..” notes from my John MacArthur study bible.
So yeah I do blame governments who have put laws in place that forbid scriptural teaching in schools and penalise parents for disciplining their children.
What do adults do if they have a hysterical person losing their grip – they slap them across the face to shake them out of it. A quick smack on the bottom of a child does the same thing and lets them know that you are in charge. Doing nothing lets the devil know he can use them to do his work, because the parents are not in charge.
No one is saying beat them up or use uncontrolled vicious angry outbursts. That should never happen. But loving parents do not do that. By teaching them right from wrong is however the most loving thing you can do for them.
Its glaringly obvious that people the world over refuse point blank to do as they are told, which would never have happened if they knew that their actions have consequences.
I doubt if many in government know the bible nor understand it. But they’re quick to agree with anti-Christs in order to win votes.
Now they end up with spending millions to pick up everywhere and cleanse the sea.
Just think what a difference it would make if personnel only made some connection with you – like
Eye contact – a smile – a greeting …dare I say…
Some acknowledgement you’re actually visible.
Imagine if a few seconds were spent saying – hi – good day – won’t be long – we’re just a bit busy – take a seat…
Drs surgeries and pharmacists and indeed all people dealing with the public, would not suffer abuse I’m sure – if they showed some compassion. That means putting oneself in another’s shoes – meaning, imagining how the customer/patient feels. Here’s the thing… if they are in a medical environment, they most likely are unwell…that’s why they are there.
If people are just plain rudely ignored, and not given an option, but to wait, let’s be honest, it is annoying! And, makes one more ill.
Golden Rule – Jesus said treat people the way you would like to be treated.
I agree staff members have certain roles and it may not be their job to attend to everyone, but hey the public don’t know that – they see you standing there and talking most likely – and NOT attending to them. Whereas you could have saved the whole situation by just saying hello – we’ll be with you shortly.
Laws don’t change people’s hearts. No matter how many signs you stick on the wall. Only Jesus can. He teaches how to love thy neighbour (golden rule). When you love others, you automatically treat them kindly.
I’ve so many thoughts pinging in my head, and making me dizzy …but where to touch down?
“There’s no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you” Maya Angelou.
Those crippling memories of my first book flop, haunt my mind relentlessly. But I mustn’t dither now, just get on with it, and start again…a small voice prompts…
It was with great difficulty that I tried to cope with my frequent illnesses, over the past few years…finally someone listened. The X-ray called for more checks; osteoarthritis in the lower back. Now that I’m able to walk again with the aid of more amazing pills, I’m going to push through my melancholic/phlegmatic nature – which so easily takes hold – and get up.
I miss my mom. Heaven awaits.
God is sovereign, keep tuning in…
Remembering times of being useful helped too. So here goes.
I’m thinking of my very first job working behind a counter. Ouch what a come down from my cosmetic buyer role in an office. Now, after my divorce, I was on full display to the public. Completely out of my comfort zone. But it was a job.
The position was in a large departmental store in Cape Town. In the quiet, men’s department. The counter was small with two people handling the whole show. The delightful young man working for a huge American corporation, which sold gorgeous men’s fragrances and treatments. The first company I think to introduce men’s facial and body creams and potions. The very same company I was a buyer for in Johannesburg, so I was familiar with the products. I think also, he was the first man to hold such a role. The other half of the counter was where I came in, selling all local and international fine fragrances for men.
We were a great team. He taught me everything and was super kind to me; treated me like a mom actually. He lovingly hovered around me when customers approached and asked for things I’d not heard of, I gratefully allowed him to discuss the product for me. He was very protective, and always stood up for me. His half of the counter was flourishing, due to his excellent sales pitch. Something I knew nothing of. This young man was talented and loved fashion, and knew what was new and hot off the press, so to speak. He was a gay fellow, who lived with his mom. She taught him to sew, which encouraged him to make his own clothes, a natural for glamour and fashion. He used to help her as a youngster, with all her sewing orders, fitting everything. He was lovely and tall and well built, with a sharp wit and a hilarious sense of humour.
I was so fond of that caring young man. He showed immense maturity and compassion for my lowly situation, that of a single parent with tremendous hardships. And my being an early Christian, I was yet to learn that the trials and sufferings on our journey through life, always teach us something. And, we learn the most at those times. We are focussed yes, but also anxious to overcome it. And with Gods help we do. Provided we stay tuned in to Him who is sovereign, and has allowed the trial to happen especially to conform us to his Son Jesus Christ. My new friend with his genuine care helped build me up again, and was a blessing to me.
Just what I needed.
There were many young black men coming to the counter, who were also keen to try new things. And like me, hadn’t heard of the men’s perfume names.
I became acutely aware of their shyness and hesitation of how to go about things. New fragrances were coming out weekly and they wanted to be in the know too.
But how could they? If they didn’t even know how to ask for it. I’d notice them standing at a distance trying to read (if they could) the name – or even just to point to the bottles. My heart broke for them, knowing exactly what they were going through. Feeling embarrassed about not knowing something, and never daring to ask, to avoid being mocked or laughed at for not knowing.
I started putting a few testers on the counter, for them to come and pick up a bottle and try it out. Which was a start. Until the managers complained about leaving them out in case of theft.
Then I came up with another idea. I went out and bought a small, colourful tin tray to put on top of the counter, and displayed a few popular and new fragrance testers on it. The customers flocked around gathering information, enjoying the opportunity of trying new products. They soon learned how to pronounce them with confidence and the word spread. We were off!
My sales rocketed to the amazement of all the clients I dealt with. The big cheeses from Chanel came down from Johannesburg to see for themselves. The tiny counter that was beating sales all over the country! But the colourful tin tray simply did not do! Chanel replaced it with a lovely silver one. So ever since then tester trays became the greatest tools in the Fragrance world.
My ability to sell wasn’t the issue. It’s how you treat people that garners sales.
Jesus taught me. He turned all my pain and humiliation of my past into a many good uses. I recognized suffering in others and wanted to fix it.
Matthew 7:12. …treat people the same way you want them to treat you… I yearned for people to be patient with me as a child, and teach me things I couldn’t understand. But I learned never to ask.
The popular saying, that only clever people ask questions, never rang true with me.
Growing up in South Africa, of course there was racism. But after becoming a Christian I learned man was made in God’s image. We’re all the same, but many wrongs were committed.
I understood that my prospective customers, had walked for miles, hours even, to get to work. Out of necessity, due to the locations they were placed. Miles away from anything. Public transport was pitiful if not non-existent. Their home life was nothing like most whites. There might have been a tin bath with cold water, and then have to share with many others in the early hours of a dark morning.
After hours of walking – often running, brought on massive perspiration for which they were often mocked. Their jobs probably demanded being on their feet most of the day doing heavy work, and on an empty stomach.
I was an anxious person growing up, suffering with tension headaches and frightened of everything. I perspired terribly which was most embarrassing, with hideous dark patches under the arms on my clothes. When I started work at fifteen years of age, I soon learned about anti-perspirants and cheaper scents, in the beginning. As soon as I could afford the best quality, that became a ‘must have’. I understood.
It was only natural my customers wanted a nice fragrance or deodorant. I made sure they had plenty to choose from. They were so proud when they were able to buy something special that made them feel good.
2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Glory be to God the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.
There isn’t a human experience that Jesus doesn’t know about.
Kindness is like a passport; you’re welcome anywhere.
A Peace of My Mind 