IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE?

Posted on by apeaceofmymind
Photo by Pedro Figueras on Pexels.com

Brain fog – what a blur these past few years have been!

I’d say It stemmed from Covid; shocked into being shut out from the world by law, ostracized from my daughter and son-in-law – my only family. Not permitted to have a broken tooth fixed as people in the 70s were ‘vulnerable’ and had to stay home, developing excruciating sciatica, forbidden to ‘see’ a doctor, so prescribed strong pain-killers over the phone, which I survived on for years ( 8 a day ) in desperation, as I couldn’t walk properly, was the alternative. I ended up lying flat on the floor for relief sometimes.

The devil loves it when you’re low and not coping, its then, he heaps alllll your failures on you to crush you even more, leaving you in a state of unworthiness and totally dejected. And because there’s no one around to counter all those false notions, with a kind word or any kind of practical help, you believe it all.

I could no longer attend my weekly aqua fit class at the gym – no more Pilates classes either. I loved walking to the gym too, but that all stopped. No outlet.

Then I moved! Another huge upheaval for one who is older, lets say.

Although I’m extremely grateful to God for bringing it all about. I was suffering anti social behaviour from a neighbour, but reluctant to say anything due to Covid pressures on everyone, it didn’t feel right. But I hadn’t slept for 18 months and felt tormented and strung out. So when it happened that I could move, I was over the moon and jumped at the opportunity with immense gratitude and praising God. I ordered nice big boxes, tape, rolls of bubble wrapping online and packed up everything in quick time. My daughter and husband moved it all onto the hired van and off loaded it all again on the other side. Stressful, backbreaking stuff. All with masks on too.

The scary part was, once I’d moved, apart from the back ache, everything was new. Where were the shops and Church? What bus goes where? Not to mention doctors and dentists! New neighbours. I felt as if I’d been dumped by a parachute in a big open field nowhere.

A nice Christian lady down the passage, introduced herself and pointed me in the right direction to find a number of practical things, as and when. I was also completely bowled over, when cards were put through my door welcoming me to my new home! That! was very different to what I’d thus far experienced in UK. God is really good.

Doctors; well that was a shock to the system; slashing my prescribed medicines I’d been on for years; no help offered for my sciatica, so found myself eventually having to repeatedly ask for x-ray’s to assess my leg/hip/back pain. They were all less than helpful. Then I took myself to A&E by bus in desperation. Turned out I have osteoarthritis and osteoporosis, as well as sciatica – ( one doctor said I didn’t have sciatica and there was nothing wrong with me, and to keep taking the pills for pain! ) Only after being x-rayed and prescribed strong pain killers by a nice doctor, was I heard. They believed me at last! By this time I was on the third doctors surgery, really nice doctors now. Hallelujah.

It took me years to find my feet, to settle. I wondered about in a blur; as if I didn’t belong. My new flat is half the size of the old one, scaling down to a single bed for the tiny room. No more dressing table to sit at and brush my hair or just do what most women enjoy to do. No cupboards. What a hassle it is finding your clothes if they’re packed away somewhere. Also a surprise to find things I’d forgotten I had. But all in all I am happy here, and praise God I can look out onto lovely trees, green grass, wild animals like foxes and squirrels, with plenty of lovely birds chirping and singing continually. I enjoy watching the seasons come and go, dried out twiggy trees becoming beautiful displays of blossoms then lovely leaves for shade. The birds enjoy it all too. They make my day. Sadly, my poor kitty-cat can no longer jump out the window to eat grass like she used to, and sit in the sun, because we’re on the first floor. But she’s 17 years old now and sleeps a lot, but also sadly, can no longer sleep on my bed, which was nice company for both of us.

Once I’d unpacked everything, I filled many many black bags for charity, who fortunately came round and took it all away. The first time there were 12 bags. They’ve been back a couple of times since. My daughter and husband took away pieces of furniture and the like, off to the recycling centre, I just had no space.

I mention all this, just to say that a move is not easy for one thing, and not having friends, nor a whole lot of confidence, nor the wherewithal to just get in a car and drive out into the country just to feel better, is hard. It is a major knock to the system and you just don’t know what’s happened to you. My seemingly, insignificant little world, had shifted on its axis.

I managed to unpack all my things. I remember walking up the road to try and find my way around and do food shopping; but I found myself sitting on various neighbours garden walls, or just standing still for a while till the pains subsided. I joined another gym up the road, to try and get back into aqua, but I couldn’t walk home again for the pain afterwards. This went on for a year or so. I found it all very embarrassing and stressful.

My previous doctor had booked me in for a colonoscopy which took place a week after I’d moved in. Another hectic experience. My daughter managed to get time off to fetch and carry as it were. Such a blessing to have someone near who knows you at such tricky times. This was all still during Covid so much testing and distancing etc. prior to the procedure. Fortunately all was well.

My broken tooth saga had begun to kick off too after a couple of months. The filling fell out and an abscess had developed. I’d found a dentist who kindly prescribed anti-biotics over the phone judging by the amount of pain I was in. He couldn’t see me until it was gone, but I needed two lots of pills to do this.

When I finally had the large tooth removed from the upper jaw at the back, I was grateful for the relief from the discomfort. But, it wasn’t easy. I recall him saying to the nurse, this tooth is deeply embedded in the jaw pass me a blade will you!

He prescribed strong pain killers to take for after, but when the injections ‘wore off’… !! I cannot put into words how much pain I felt. The swabs of cotton wool in gauze he gave were used up frantically as he warned of bleeding too. I lay on my bed and just cried and cried, and called out to Jesus to help me. Then I thought of him suffering on the cross after all that beating and lashing and nails…for me… I asked him to forgive me for not being able to even bear a simple tooth extraction pain…I felt so useless. I just kept crying. Then an amazing thing happened. I felt – and heard! – my jaw bones moving and creaking/crunching sounds – then unbelievable pain for a few seconds – then nothing – the pain had gone.

My Saviour was with me, then I fell asleep.

My face swelled up and turned all kinds of bruising colours. My Christian lady friend down the passage would knock on my door to see if I needed anything sometimes (still Covid). She said laughingly that I looked as though I’d been in a fight. The bruises went right down to my chest. It was such a horrible thing to look at and most embarrassing so I stayed indoors mostly, but no pain.

My daughter and a couple of long distance friends; one in Cape Town and two in Newbury where I used to live and one in an area too far to get to, kept in touch on WhatsApp regularly, with encouraging words and mostly understanding. Thank God for them.

I was so alone.

Late one night I had terrible chest pains – but being and acid reflux sufferer I took it to be that. But it is easy to feel nervous about things you don’t know, especially in the middle of the night when it always seems to occur. I didn’t want to frighten or upset my daughter either. I was told before though by a nurse, that it is advisable to rather phone the ambulance just in case. This time I did because of the dizziness and strange feelings in my limbs. The ambulance took 5 hours to come. They went to the wrong flat and went back again. Finally I was checked by two capable young ladies when they did arrive – the second lot – and it turned out my hiatus hernia had appeared again. But to hospital I must go. Many tests etc before being sent to A&E, then an hour later saw a doctor who sent me for an x-ray then back to A&E to wait for results. 4 hours later, very cold and weak, I enquired meekly at reception what was happening – they’d forgotten to say all was clear and I could go home. I phoned for cab and came home. I’m managing it now with medication.

Finding a new church…

Then I met another nice Christian lady. My nice neighbour joined me in visiting a church – still Covid restricting times – turned out too far for me to walk to as sciatica ruled. But that’s where I met this new friend who actually lives over the road from my building. They were all lovely and kind and very helpful. But, taking lifts from various people each week at different times felt hard for me – I never knew where I stood, and perhaps I’m just old so felt uncomfortable; a nuisance. But I met nice people. The lovely lady over the road did loads of food shopping for me for many months, she’s still an amazing blessing.

I’m in a nice church now. In fact its the first one I went to with my neighbour during Covid, but wasn’t sure. But I felt the Lord directing me back again. I can get the bus up the road and it stops a block away from the church. But having said that, there’s another nice lady who’s been at the church for many years and willingly lifts my friend down the passage, so I join in if possible.

I moved into my flat just over three years ago, I feel as though I am settling in at last. The roots are taking hold so now I can grow. I hardly take pain killers now.

Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

As true believers in Jesus Christ, we really should take care of our bodies, after all it is the temple of the Holy Spirit which is in us, and is from God. The bible says we are not our own and we need to live for him according to 1 Corinthians 6:19.

THE JOY OF LIGHT

Posted on by apeaceofmymind

These past few years have been so turbulent I didn’t know which way was up.  I was lonely, depressed and often suicidal thoughts came – more like – I may as well not be here and would I be missed at all? Then my mom died in Cape Town. I left the church I was attending, Covid happened, Sciatica pains bore down incessantly, telephonic assessments from doctors, anti-social behaviour from a neighbour for eighteen months, with little sleep, allowed me to move home to a lovely peaceful area, which helped me with staying in because of covid. My new flat is half the size of the old one so masses of stuff went off to charity including furniture as I had no space for it.  Now I can’t find anything because it’s either stored in a storage basket or tucked away in drawers out of sight, so I can’t remember or see what’s in them. Plus, a single bed again like a child. Finding a new church is never easy. Finding a new doctor is terribly frustrating, especially over the phone. Compassion never seems to be part of the deal. One of them told me I had Osteoporosis after initially telling me there was nothing wrong with me and to keep taking the pain killers. Strong ones that played havoc with my existing digestive ailments. More X-rays and scans at the hospital during covid. I found a new doctor who said I had Osteoarthritis. After struggling to walk for nearly two years finally there was some clue where the pain was coming from. An ambulance took me to hospital early one Sunday morning with chest pains which was actually a hiatus hernia. After waiting twelve hours I got a taxi home. It’s safe to say that I had a hard time dealing with it all on my own. Yup depression came knocking too. I just recently, suffered the worst flu I’ve ever had in my life, completely flat out like a zombie I was. One quickly realises who your friends are – or not.

I so wanted to write and to blog but I just couldn’t. Things have been whirling around in my head for many years but it’s all muddled up.

My mind went back many years to a beach similar to the above gorgeous pic from PIXABY.  I was on a beach in Cape Town, called Llandudno. It had huge rocks to nestle up to and sink down on a towel.  At that time, it was often empty of crowds and one could soak up the sun in solitude. I love the sun and the joy of lying on a beach with only the sound of the gulls and now and again a loud crash of the waves dumping down on the sand.

Once I’d soaked up enough heat, I strolled over to the freezing Atlantic. I soon got used to the cold and thoroughly enjoyed the sea and relaxed.  Then suddenly, the biggest wave I’ve ever seen loomed threateningly above and astonishingly realised at the same time, I could not swim away as I felt myself being sucked in. As this huge wave appeared I also felt the ground disappear and realised there was a ridge in the sand beneath my feet at that very moment with a sudden drop down to much deeper level; like a cliff edge. The monster wave pounded down tons of water with an almighty crash on top of me. I was deafened and swirling around in a major panic! It was noisy and fierce and rough and very, very dark and terrifying. I like swimming so was not scared of the water but this was something way off the chart! I thank God I held my breath. I allowed myself to be chucked about with the sea until I knew which way was up.  I was so happy to see the light of the sun way up there somewhere, so I dragged my way up to it with every ounce of strength I had left. What absolute joy and gratitude I felt coming to the light and fresh air!

I meandered drunkenly to my towel and collapsed heavily on it and just lay there under that magnificent blue sky, hearing the sea and birds, feeling the presence of the towering Apostle mountains behind me, standing strong and silent. My body soaked up the warmth again as I thought how great it was to be alive.  “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands” Psalm 19: 1-2.

Thank you, Jesus, for being my Light of the world and for getting me through all this. I know you are sovereign and in control. The joy of the Lord is my strength and indeed you are. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and I will.

It was as though my whole life of feeling abandoned, pain, abuse, struggles, trials, derision, fears, rejection, divorce and various illnesses, near death experiences and unacceptableness everywhere I went, has just been dumped down on me from a dizzy height, and sapped the life out of me.

Psalm 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and I am helped; therefore, my heart exalts, and with my song I shall thank him.

Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression. But a good word makes it glad.

Sadly, there was no word forthcoming, but I was aware of Satan’s isolation tricks. So, I prayed on my own and called on him daily. He kept reminding me to trust not in man, they let you down, but also pray for your enemies, so I ran to him every time. During covid of course I didn’t see my daughter and her husband but I, on the other hand have never liked speaking of my issues.

Despite it all Father, you cause all things to work together for good to those who love you. I pray I am able to be a good witness for you. I’m determined now to walk away from all things past and believe in your plan for me. Yes, there have been many who’d rather I was drowned and crushed along the way but it’s you who’s in control so they have no chance. Onwards and upwards. Onward Christian soldiers, marching as to war… it is indeed a war. Put your armour on and keep marching. With the cross of Jesus going on before!

NO LAW CAN FIX THIS

Posted on by apeaceofmymind
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Yup annoying isn’t it?

Just think what a difference it would make if personnel only made some connection with you – like

Eye contact – a smile – a greeting …dare I say…

Some acknowledgement you’re actually visible.

Imagine if a few seconds were spent saying – hi – good day – won’t be long – we’re just a bit busy – take a seat…

Drs surgeries and pharmacists and indeed all people dealing with the public, would not suffer abuse I’m sure – if they showed some compassion. That means putting oneself in another’s shoes – meaning, imagining how the customer/patient feels. Here’s the thing… if they are in a medical environment, they most likely are unwell…that’s why they are there.

If people are just plain rudely ignored, and not given an option, but to wait, let’s be honest, it is annoying! And, makes one more ill.

Golden Rule – Jesus said treat people the way you would like to be treated.

I agree staff members have certain roles and it may not be their job to attend to everyone, but hey the public don’t know that – they see you standing there and talking most likely – and NOT attending to them. Whereas you could have saved the whole situation by just saying hello – we’ll be with you shortly.

Laws don’t change people’s hearts. No matter how many signs you stick on the wall. Only Jesus can. He teaches how to love thy neighbour (golden rule). When you love others, you automatically treat them kindly.  

Feeling Exposed

Posted on by apeaceofmymind

I’ve so many thoughts pinging in my head, and making me dizzy …but where to touch down?

“There’s no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you” Maya Angelou.

Those crippling memories of my first book flop, haunt my mind relentlessly. But I mustn’t dither now, just get on with it, and start again…a small voice prompts…

It was with great difficulty that I tried to cope with my frequent illnesses, over the past few years…finally someone listened. The X-ray called for more checks; osteoarthritis in the lower back. Now that I’m able to walk again with the aid of more amazing pills, I’m going to push through my melancholic/phlegmatic nature – which so easily takes hold – and get up.

I miss my mom. Heaven awaits.

God is sovereign, keep tuning in…

Remembering times of being useful helped too.  So here goes.

I’m thinking of my very first job working behind a counter. Ouch what a come down from my cosmetic buyer role in an office. Now, after my divorce, I was on full display to the public. Completely out of my comfort zone. But it was a job.

The position was in a large departmental store in Cape Town. In the quiet, men’s department. The counter was small with two people handling the whole show. The delightful young man working for a huge American corporation, which sold gorgeous men’s fragrances and treatments. The first company I think to introduce men’s facial and body creams and potions. The very same company I was a buyer for in Johannesburg, so I was familiar with the products. I think also, he was the first man to hold such a role. The other half of the counter was where I came in, selling all local and international fine fragrances for men.

We were a great team. He taught me everything and was super kind to me; treated me like a mom actually. He lovingly hovered around me when customers approached and asked for things I’d not heard of, I gratefully allowed him to discuss the product for me. He was very protective, and always stood up for me. His half of the counter was flourishing, due to his excellent sales pitch. Something I knew nothing of. This young man was talented and loved fashion, and knew what was new and hot off the press, so to speak. He was a gay fellow, who lived with his mom. She taught him to sew, which encouraged him to make his own clothes, a natural for glamour and fashion. He used to help her as a youngster, with all her sewing orders, fitting everything. He was lovely and tall and well built, with a sharp wit and a hilarious sense of humour.

I was so fond of that caring young man. He showed immense maturity and compassion for my lowly situation, that of a single parent with tremendous hardships. And my being an early Christian, I was yet to learn that the trials and sufferings on our journey through life, always teach us something. And, we learn the most at those times. We are focussed yes, but also anxious to overcome it. And with Gods help we do. Provided we stay tuned in to Him who is sovereign, and has allowed the trial to happen especially to conform us to his Son Jesus Christ. My new friend with his genuine care helped build me up again, and was a blessing to me.

Just what I needed.

There were many young black men coming to the counter, who were also keen to try new things. And like me, hadn’t heard of the men’s perfume names.  

I became acutely aware of their shyness and hesitation of how to go about things. New fragrances were coming out weekly and they wanted to be in the know too.

But how could they? If they didn’t even know how to ask for it. I’d notice them standing at a distance trying to read (if they could) the name – or even just to point to the bottles. My heart broke for them, knowing exactly what they were going through. Feeling embarrassed about not knowing something, and never daring to ask, to avoid being mocked or laughed at for not knowing.

I started putting a few testers on the counter, for them to come and pick up a bottle and try it out. Which was a start. Until the managers complained about leaving them out in case of theft.

Then I came up with another idea. I went out and bought a small, colourful tin tray to put on top of the counter, and displayed a few popular and new fragrance testers on it. The customers flocked around gathering information, enjoying the opportunity of trying new products. They soon learned how to pronounce them with confidence and the word spread. We were off!

My sales rocketed to the amazement of all the clients I dealt with. The big cheeses from Chanel came down from Johannesburg to see for themselves. The tiny counter that was beating sales all over the country!  But the colourful tin tray simply did not do! Chanel replaced it with a lovely silver one. So ever since then tester trays became the greatest tools in the Fragrance world.

My ability to sell wasn’t the issue. It’s how you treat people that garners sales.

Jesus taught me. He turned all my pain and humiliation of my past into a many good uses. I recognized suffering in others and wanted to fix it.

Matthew 7:12. …treat people the same way you want them to treat you… I yearned for people to be patient with me as a child, and teach me things I couldn’t understand. But I learned never to ask.

The popular saying, that only clever people ask questions, never rang true with me. 

Growing up in South Africa, of course there was racism. But after becoming a Christian I learned man was made in God’s image. We’re all the same, but many wrongs were committed.

I understood that my prospective customers, had walked for miles, hours even, to get to work. Out of necessity, due to the locations they were placed. Miles away from anything. Public transport was pitiful if not non-existent.  Their home life was nothing like most whites. There might have been a tin bath with cold water, and then have to share with many others in the early hours of a dark morning.

After hours of walking – often running, brought on massive perspiration for which they were often mocked. Their jobs probably demanded being on their feet most of the day doing heavy work, and on an empty stomach.

I was an anxious person growing up, suffering with tension headaches and frightened of everything. I perspired terribly which was most embarrassing, with hideous dark patches under the arms on my clothes. When I started work at fifteen years of age, I soon learned about anti-perspirants and cheaper scents, in the beginning. As soon as I could afford the best quality, that became a ‘must have’.  I understood.

It was only natural my customers wanted a nice fragrance or deodorant. I made sure they had plenty to choose from. They were so proud when they were able to buy something special that made them feel good.

2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Glory be to God the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.

There isn’t a human experience that Jesus doesn’t know about.

Kindness is like a passport; you’re welcome anywhere.

Picture by Pixabay

BRAND NEW

Posted on by apeaceofmymind

All what we see in the world today …

Hatred, rudeness, unkindness, selfishness, arrogant pride, haughtiness, discrimination against any nation = racism, disrespect for one another, dishonouring of parents and elderly, lack of obedience to parents, ingratitude to the generosity and help offered by others, and especially by those in the emergency and medical services, refusing to be told or taught by parents and teachers and all in authority, spitting, mocking, vile language, rage, killings, raping, kidnapping, intimate relations with anyone outside of biblical marriage, bullying, cruelty to all animals, abusing animals for money, taking what’s not yours, not telling the truth, destroying property or someone else’s possessions…

Is all evidence of how sinful we are born – with evil hearts – no one taught us this way, it’s the natural progression of Adams disobedience to God. (Yes, Eve sinned too, but she was lovingly put under his protection, and chose to move out of it and fell – taking all mankind with, in the Fall). But we’re not all the same in our sinfulness, but nevertheless, sinful.

When we engage in any of those sinful behaviours, things inevitably go wrong.

Jesus came down into the world to teach us the correct way, the righteous way, but people still wanted their way to be right, they chose darkness.

But God – Jesus – loved the world so much, he took all the world’s sins in his own body, and died on the cross to save us, from eternal depravity, darkness and suffering in hell, so that believing in Him we can become brand new, born again, free from the power of sin.

Nations that have denied parents and schools, teaching about Jesus and disciplining their children to live godly clean lives, to bring honour to them and worship God, have rejected Gods love and protection and grace, and bring on themselves worldly disasters without his help.

Guess what? They blame God! It’s what they choose.

People who love God, love Jesus, love the bible – the Word of God, love their neighbour, and want to help others and be kind and loving. Its natural. It shows we belong to a higher realm, because we honour God who made us and we desire to obey.

Yes, we Christians, still make mistakes in our sinful earthly flesh, daily sometimes even, but we have a Father in heaven who loves us and by His grace he protects us and brings us back to him for repentance, so we can live in rest and peace now, even when things go wrong and we get sick, and even after we die here on earth. We’ll always be in rest and peace with Him for all eternity.

Rejoice in the birth of Christ! There’s no greater Gift!

Ps…for the first time in 7 decades, I have felt free to speak…

Never forget! Bullying and derision is a sin.

Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com

PEACE

Posted on by apeaceofmymind

MOJO – huh?

Where does that word come from even? A magic charm or spell, power or influence. Probably Africa origin – witchcraft. Oxford English Dictionary.

No way! God created me in his image before the world began. He didn’t leave me to roam around in darkness unaided. Even if I didn’t know it, he was always in charge. When I believed his word, his Holy Spirit guides me. Because he loves me, and protects me from evil forces that do not love at all, but destroy and deceive for their purposes.

John 15:4 ..abide in me and I in you. Apart from me you can do nothing..

Whatever was going on in my life – the circumstances, the upsetting issues, the hardships, the loneliness, the aches and many pains, were all conforming me to his image. I’m to therefore submit and grow with and through it all.

Isaiah 48:17 I am the Lord your God who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.

When lockdown first happened in February/March 2020 – a back tooth in the upper jaw – broke off and part of the filing with it. Whatever remained felt like blades. Just then all 70+s was deemed vulnerable and had to stay put.

No dental help was forthcoming. As the months dragged on, it chipped away. I probably swallowed most of it!

God blessed me with a new flat within 6 months of my requesting a transfer due to neighbour noise.

So, February 2021 I moved into a tiny little flat with the view of green trees out of all my windows from the first floor. At first, I resisted as didn’t know the area and was afraid that I knew no one.

But what a change from the blaring radios from parked cars outside my window, loud horrible voices on mobile phones, blokes punching each other and falling through the fence, and of course noisy traffic. I had no friends in the building and also no church friends nearby.

God knows I love trees and birds and little creatures, so that’s what I gaze at every day now. Foxes playing together, lots of birds, a family of magpies growing up, blue tits dashing about, parakeets with their beautiful green feathers, lots of crows, a blue crane appeared once, a woodpecker tapping away at a tree stump, tiny robins I love. Plenty of squirrels and fat pigeons nibbling at everything on the trees. And wonderful neighbours who gave me greeting cards when I first moved in. Even the manager of the building gave me a ‘New Home’ card. Little ladies popped by my door to say hello – masks and all. A Christian lady loaned me her ladder to reach the high cupboards in the kitchen. So many lovely changes – I was in awe. God knows best.

It all helped me settle, despite the lack of cupboards in the bedroom and bathroom. And my having to part with a few pieces of furniture because there was no space, and many huge bags of clothes and bric-a-brac. All went to charity who were delighted with everything.

My tooth, after a whole year had finally parted company with the filling that was left and the pain kicked in. I stuck half a pain killer in the hole often. The soonest date I could get to see a dentist was the end of April. Bearing in mind I was a new patient in the area so no rush there. I wasn’t a priority.

A week after I moved in, I had a colonoscopy at St Georges hospital in Tooting. A massive hospital with plenty of restrictions. I was tested of course and had had my first jab. Prep for the op was done at home – thankfully – 24 hours in the loo. My daughter fetched and carried and brought me home. All was well, wonderful medical staff all round. Of course, I had to sign on with new doctors in the area.

Before my dental appointment I let him know how painful it was and suspected infection. He prescribed antibiotics which helped a bit but I needed a second batch to do the job.

The tooth came out with great difficulty – ouch – lovely dentist, so I trusted him. Two injections helped. I was numb right to the throat. It had a long root which entailed a lot of tugging. He asked the nurse for a blade. What? The tooth had merged with the jaw bone. He sent me home with a script for painkillers advising me to keep on top of the pain, also giving me cotton plugs for the bleeding.

At home the injection wore off and the bleeding started – blimey – he also said no rinsing at all – nothing in the mouth for 24 hours.

My new Christian friend offered to buy me some smoothies – I couldn’t put a teaspoon of yogurt in my mouth even, my jaw was so tight. Thankfully I had straws – what a life saver! Isn’t God good.

I lay on my bed after handling the bleeding, worrying whether I’d get blood on my lovely new single bed and linen my ex paid for and my daughter bought on his behalf.

Funny what one thinks of.

I lay on my bed crying – regretting not opting for hospitalization.

I was saying sorry to Jesus – I can’t do this. You hung on the cross bleeding for hours, every bone in your body in agony and your skin and muscles stripped away with cruel whips embedded with bits of bone and metal to rip it open. Holes in your hands and feet – not forgetting the spitting in your beautiful face, and the depraved cries of wicked, jealous, vile people, whom you came to save… and I can’t even handle a toothache!

Please help me I don’t know what to do Lord it’s so sore.

Then I felt my jaw move and I heard the sound of bones creaking, like knitting together – and sudden pain for a second, I was scared at first – then nothing – no pain – then peace surrounded me as I lay there quietly.

Jesus still loved me and was with me …I didn’t mind who didn’t love me or want me, as long as Jesus loved me.

It took a while to return to normal but I could handle it as I waited. This pic, weeks after the extraction, looks weird but not at all painful. You should have seen me with half my face, double in size with various colours of bruising! It looked like I’d been in a punch up. At least my face returned to normal size! I was grateful for masks if anyone came to my door!

Jesus is in control.

Peace picture Pixaby